The Buzz Board: 'Inherited mess' edition

AFTER TWO AND A HALF LONG years in retirement, the focus and fury over the crimson police blotter has forced the Buzz Board off the sidelines and back into the fray. The arrows are flying this week as we take aim at frying pans, Fains and delusional former quarterbacks from Fresno.

Not since Mike Price's dance with destiny has there been such a Puritanical commotion in these parts. So let the pith fall where it may ...

THE COUGFAN.COM BUZZ BOARD
Arkelon Hall		Old Buzz: Giant ego, bad grades, big gut. And that’s the positive stuff. New Buzz: Tells Seattle Times he was better than Brink and Rogers. Paper fails to note he was referring to poker and PlayStation2.
Xavier Hicks		Finally, the kid with a nose for trouble catches a break, albeit in the PR wars rather than the legal ones. Sure, he was nailed for a suspended license after doing his time. But the court of public opinion is shaking its head at the Boss Hogg-like trap set up for him by Colfax's finest.
New Apple Cup Battle Cry		Somehow, “Our team’s drunk and disorderly problems pale next to the deviant crap your dudes have been doing over the years,” doesn’t seem like it will catch on with the crimson faithful.
Frying pans		They’re not just for food prep anymore. The new Mattingly45 is so versatile you can cook up a rasher of bacon in the a.m. and then crack heads with it in the p.m. Great against butterknife-wielding girly men in soccer shorts.
Trevor Mooney		Sure, he was so low on the depth chart he had to look up to tie his shoes. And yep, his two run-ins with the law in the span of 10 days looks bad when toying with the notion of a transfer to an Ivy League school. But hells bells, the mere thought of him being so blotto as to lose his lunch in the back seat of a police cruiser has to put a smile on your face in an Animal House sort of way.
Leon Burtnett		Old Buzz: Crusty old warhorse with lots of insight. New Buzz: A bitter old warhorse with a selective memory. Matt Eichelberger, Andy Roof, Kenny Alfred and others during Burtnett's time in Pullman, as well as Cory Mackay this year, all chose Washington State over an offer from Washington.
Keith Millard		Talk about dodging a bullet. The Cougar grid team’s pizza-boy-punching miscreant of the early 80s is just lucky the Seattle Times hadn't yet discovered that Pullman was in Washington. Combine his misdeeds with Craig Ehlo's chewing tobacco heist and it would have been STOP THE PRESSES! time.
Dick Fain		The KJR Radio sidekick has a voice and delivery that make fingernails on a chalkboard sound like Pavarotti. Combine that with juvenile excitement over the Seattle Times' critical report on the Cougs and it's like listening to a cross between Squiggy and Danny Bonaduce.
Sellas		This frequent message board poster consistently displays knowledge and context in his missives, plus a biting wit when responding to the entitlement crowd over at Montlake.