WASHINGTON at OHIO STATE
Good news/bad news for Buck$eyes student-athlete Maurice Clarett. The good: He didn't really have $10,000 worth of items stolen from his "borrowed" Monte Carlo (Side note: How come no Pullman dealerships offered me loaners when I was an undergrad?) Now the bad: Zima Zach Tuiasosopo was his valet. Ba-da-dum.
IDAHO at WASHINGTON STATE
Those of you who insist on berating Vanilla coach Tom "Basic" Cable for starting The Other Harrington over proven QB Brian Lindgren, I say this to you: Have you so quickly forgotten the magic that was Broadway Joey Harrrington?!? Hello?! Same gene pool, people!
SACRAMENTO STATE at OREGON STATE
I miss the good ol' days of Beavo ball, when the outcome of a match-up like this would've been anyone's guess…When the words "Oregon State" and "doormat" reunited in a loving embrace each Corvallis autumn. Where have you gone, Jerry Pettibone, the Pac-10 nation turns it's lonely eyes to you (Ooo, ooo, ooo).
SOUTHERN MISS at CALIFORNIA
Some suggestions to help sell tickets to this Golden Eagle v Golden Bear straight-to-video clunker: 1.Dub it the Moonshine v Mary Jane Bowl; 2.Offer door prize to any Southern Miss married couple that can prove they're not also cousins; 3.Sell Berkeley Brownies at concession stands (they may already do this).
PICK: GOLDEN BEARS
OREGON at MISSISSIPPI STATE
Can anyone quickly tell me if The Mike Bellotti is with or without his Selleckian mustache this season? I need to know if I'm going to accurately forecast the fate of Nike U! And speaking of missing: Reports indicate tourism in the Big Apple is down this summer due to no Oregon billboard hanging in Times Square. Don't be telling me my man Samie Parker isn't ready for prime-time!
USC at AUBURN
Now that Golden (there's that word again!) Boy Carson Palmer is gone, we'll find out if Smog Central QB guru Norman "Norm" Chow is really Harry Potter or not.
UTEP at ARIZONA
I'm sure this game is important to someone somewhere. Well, relatively sure, anyhow. Good news for Wild Macs: Some ever-elusive Common Ground has been found between feuding coach Gone Mackovic and former star back Clarence "Fannie" Farmer. They've both changed each other's name to "Dick."
LAST WEEK: 1-0 (What? You don't think I would've picked KSU over Cal?!)