The Jimmy Papers

The Jimmy Papers

I'M UPSET. I'm upset I won't be filing the straightforward analytical column I've been working on. I'm upset my strategic career plan at CF.C has been sidetracked, if only momentarily. And I have called my pain by its rightful name. Two of them actually. Rick Neuheisel. And Jimmy.

For those who don't recall, Jimmy is my imaginary friend.  Takes after the Seinfeld character of the same name.  Speaks of himself in the 3rd person. 

 

And to clarify: The straightforward analysis piece I was working on?  It was the launch of my own ‘03 season goal: To be named CF.C Seattle Bureau Chief.  After careful planning, figured I'd earn the title by the time the ‘03 campaign came to a close. 

 

Well, that maiden article might as well be a 2 year old NCAA bracket for all the good it does me now. 

 

And up top, I'm going to slip in Seattle Bureau Chief under my name anyway.  Doubt Witter will even notice.  And if he does, so he changes it back to Columnist.  Big deal. 

 

Oh.  ‘Classifieds Intern'.  Well played, Witter.  Well played.  Enough preamble.  Jimmy, its all you.

 

(Dispatch) May 31 Pullman - - Sorry Jimmy hasn't been able to contact you until now.  Things are really coming together here, Bolton.  Jimmy is more than pleased.  Will Derting is a phenom.  Jermaine Green is scary good.  And Jimmy is in awe of the Defense as a whole.

 

Jimmy's also had his ear to the ground -- will be in Seattle soon.  Bravo, Tango, Foxtrot, Sashay.  Crimson Soldier Jimmy out.

 

June 3, Seattle - - Jimmy has to get back to Pullman.  But not just yet.  Jimmy's been looking into a development here in the Emerald City.  Jimmy's been to Montlake.  Jimmy is already under cover, Bolton.  Jimmy will contact you soon. 

 

June 4, Seattle - - A close one today, Bolton.  Jimmy crashed the meeting.  THE meeting with the NCAA investigators and Rick Neuheisel.  Oh what drives Jimmy to take chances like this?!  Jimmy's disguise: Slot machine in the corner of the conference room.  Jimmy looked like R2D2.  But in a high roller kind of way.

 

Jimmy didn't hear everything.  Bunch of people kept pulling Jimmy's left arm, (disguised as the slot handle) and this distracted Jimmy.  Still, Jimmy remained undetected.  Not too hard to pull one over on those people sometimes.  Double entendre intended, Bolton.

 

June 5, Pullman - - Bill Doba was made for this, Bolton.  Jimmy is so pleased Doba finally got the chance.  Jimmy thinks in the long run, it will prove one of the best decisions Washington State has ever made.

 

Further, all signs point to a 3rd straight successful campaign under Doba's watch in '03.  Short term, Long term -- Jimmy is as enthusiastic as he's ever been about the state of Cougar Football.

 

June 6, Seattle - - Oh, Bolton.  It's just wild here.  Neuheisel is desperately wielding his Jedi mind-tricks, seems shocked they're not working this time.  Some quotes:

 

Neuheisel: "I never in my wildest dreams imagined I was doing anything to jeopardize my employment."

(Jimmy never in his wildest dreams imagined you joining Toledo & Price in the bait shop in ‘03.  Figured maybe a season or two down the road.  They need Part-time Counter help from what Jimmy understands.  Jimmy could put in a good word for you if you'd like.)

 

A.D. Barbara Hedges:  "Rick was forthcoming. That is to his credit."

(Jimmy actually has some respect for Hedges.  But Jimmy feared for his imaginary life when he heard this.  This is what its come to.  Neuheisel applauded for being forthcoming, for {supposedly}, telling the truth.) 

 

Jimmy doesn't find it especially noteworthy when someone simply tells the truth and does so expeditiously.  Jimmy's not even sure Neuheisel was forthcoming.  But that's another dispatch for another day.

 

June 6, Pullman - - Bolton, have you seen what's going on with Washington State recruiting lately?  Sure, Jimmy knew the coaches were great recruiters.  And that they've been all over it so far this offseason -- but this is beyond… wait for it now… Jimmy's wildest dreams!

 

Early verbals (already!) from Omowale Dada, Alex Hamill and Gary Rogers.  Jimmy says ‘Go get ‘em Doba and Crew!  Go get ‘em!'

 

And speaking of Rogers, go back & re-read his quotes - especially on his level of commitment to Washington State.  Oh yes Bolton, Jimmy likes the type of football player we recruit: talented athletes of strong character.  No wonder he drew interest from Notre Dame and Nebraska, among several others. 

 

Say, Rogers also drew interest from the coach in Montlake as well.  Imagine that.

 

June 6, leaving NY airspace - - Unplanned quick trip to the Big Apple, Bolton.  Seattle's own ‘Punchy the radio shock-jock' (or whatever his name is) broadcast an unscheduled show on RN – in New York of all places.  But it was carried by Seattle's Al-Jazeera Sports Radio 950. 

 

Outside Punchy's hotel room door, Jimmy left another Cinnabon picture & mock ransom note, politely reminding him to provide an actual news item on the Cougs. 

 

Jimmy also included a flow chart: Detailed his prior Apologist statements vs. the polar opposite quotes Punchy reeled off today.  Jimmy does like to have his fun, Bolton.  A five hour nap and then Jimmy will be in Montlake.

 

June 7, Seattle - - Oh, Bolton.  There's more.  But then, Jimmy expected nothing less.

 

Neuheisel:  "It was a setup."

(Jimmy duly notes your attempts to deflect blame.  But where's the outrageous inference that Fisher DeBerry had something to do with it?  Don't bow down now, RN!  Fight on!)

 

Neuheisel:  "I never in my wildest imagination thought I was breaking any NCAA rules."

(Oddly, Jimmy notes NCAA President Myles Brand said RN's actions were "simply unacceptable and deserves a severe punishment if true."  Brand even took an extraordinary step - saying if he were a school president, he would "take personnel action."  Case closed, baby.)

 

From Neuheisel:  "I believe I am completely innocent."

(And Jimmy believes you can completely top even this quote in the coming days.  Jimmy has faith.  Don't let Jimmy down.)

 

June 9, Seattle - - Neuheisel has released The Memo.  And reiterated his claim:  "My first, second and third goals are to remain the coach at the UW.  I desperately want to remain.."

 

(So when the first three crumble, what's the business end of the 4th goal?  Hold on to some compensation?  And putting the UW at risk is what, a benefits package?) 

 

Jimmy could go on for a while here.  But Jimmy will try to be brief:  Jimmy wonders if RN desperately doesn't want to repay the loan.  Jimmy also wonders: If fired for reasons other than ‘for cause', does the buyout clause kick in?  In any event, Jimmy appreciates the attempt to deflect.  Good one. 

 

Jimmy doesn't know if RN will necessarily shackle the UW with new sanctions from this latest transgression.  But Jimmy does think the UW is in for a rough ride -- no matter what.  Jimmy also finds irony in RN stating he didn't like the methods used that originally brought this to the fore. 

 

And Jimmy does know this: the UW will be the better for severing ties with Neuheisel.  And Jimmy is going to miss you, RN.  That also, is not in dispute.  Jimmy is pulling for a miracle.  Jimmy wants you to stay. 

 

But Jimmy's pretty sure RN is out of football for a very, very long time.  "Paging Doctor Baitshop!  Doctor Sumner Baitshop!"

 

June 9, Seattle - - Remember John Levesque, Bolton?  Barely recognize his new picture in the PI.  Before you ask ‘How can he blend in & listen in on other people now?'  Jimmy's guess is this: Not enough of a challenge for a writer of his talent to get the earlier scoop on the RN / San Fran interview. 

 

Apparently dumped the old Levesque espionage kit in a dumpster behind Sea-Tac -- because that's where Jimmy found it.  Had a 1960s Spy Beard and Mustache Look, some fluffy sweater vests & several other items.

 

To A.D. Hedges and New UW Coach: Oh you may think you'll see Jimmy coming in the future.   But you'd be wrong.  With the Levesque kit in Jimmy's possession, no chance.  Black Ops, baby.  Hold on, Bolton - Jimmy's cell phone is ringing.

 

June 10, Pullman

Jimmy has a neighborhood social gathering of his own to attend later tonight, Bolton.  A Barbecue with some fellow Cougs.  RN asked Jimmy if he could "come with" as Jimmy was departing Seattle.  Jimmy had to smile. 

 

No, you can't come along.  And no, won't take your bracket with me -- Not that kind of get together.  No, Jimmy really doubts any Pit Bosses will be there, but fine:  If Jimmy sees any, he'll pass along your ‘Vegas, baby" greeting.

 

June 10, Pullman

By the way, Bolton.  Did Jimmy mention Matt Kegel appears to have a noticeably different attitude than, (at certain times), last year?  Not cocky so much as confident & capable.  Not boastful but instead really focused on team-oriented goals. 

 

Jimmy sees a difference here, Bolton.  And Jimmy can't wait to see Kegel ‘get after it' this season.

 

And did Jimmy also mention he believes Washington State Football is in great shape, possibly the best its ever been?

 

From the Coaches, to the Players, to the Administration -- oh Jimmy could go on and on.  But that's probably a whole ‘nother set of dispatches.

 

Hold on a second Bolton -- Jimmy's cell phone, again.  Looks like the area code for Montlake.  Jimmy should probably take this call.  Jimmy's under cover.  Jimmy's on the case. 

 

And Jimmy says this:  Go Cougs.  Always, Go Cougs.

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